Holidays...

Holidays for us here are different. It usually depends on what kind of job B has during that time.
Easter, mothers day, father's day, memorial day, labor day, new years eve, and valentine's day you can almost always count on a chef working. Especially mine. The other major holidays, they vary.

Currently B works at a place that will give him most holidays off. This Sunday may be the exception due to the opening of a new restaurant. He may have to work easter, my other favorite holiday (thanksgiving being my number 1).

B had missed many of the mentioned holidays since we have been together. Sometimes, I could go eat at the restaurant. Alone at the empty cocktail area, of course.

B did take a little of a year off. He worked his tail of to become an estimator at a lumberyard. He made decent money and it was honest work. A much needed break for him. A break that caused me to quit school and work full time as an assistant manager at a gas station. It nearly ruined our marriage. It was nice to have a semi normal family life, except we had to work around my sleep schedule.

Holidays aren't the only thing B has had to miss out on. He wasn't there after I found out we lost the first baby. He stayed with me after I lost the second but was drowning himself in his work the next day, unable to sit idle while I slowly crept into a deep depression, something I struggle with to this day, almost two years later.

I know he does what he can and he was there for me when I got my severe concussion and when C and I were in a car accident. He was able to wait in the waiting room while I went to surgery for the second loss.

No matter the day or the occasion, I know that B loves me and C and honestly that's all that matters. We try to make the most of our time together when we have it. We know that we are loved by the other and we aren't afraid to show it.

Just remind me of this past come Sunday when my husband is at work and there isn't a jello egg in sight and I am cussing because my husband is at work. lol

Filter? What's that?!

My husband can vouch for me, I sometimes lose control of my mouth and it has a mind if its own. Or maybe it just voices what it wants? Either way, I tend to say things that others would not.

For example, the first time I met B's grandfather on his dad's side, was his birthday. I had C with me and B was working. There were lots of people I had only met a few times and some I was just meeting. Well, his aunt announces that her daughter (B's cousin) is expecting. Well, because of my losses, I don't take news like that very well. I said, "Oh? Is the pee stick even dry?!"

Yep, I said that. Once it was out of my mouth, I wanted to erase it from everyone's memories. Things like that cannot be unsaid.

Well, my mother in-law informed me last week that said cousin's baby shower is coming up. I never got an invitation. This isn't the first time either. The same aunt, had a birthday party. Never got an invitation. So, now, I told my mother in-law that I would go, I really don't want to, I'm not ready. I just have to come up with a polite way to say, "I'm still reeling from my miscarriages, even though my last was almost 2 years ago. I really don't want to be around any pregnant ladies, thanks for Super Bowl Sunday, also. And I wasn't even invited, I don't want to go to something I wasn't invited to! When will you get a fucking clue?!"

Honestly, I am at a loss for some nice way to put how I really feel. I miss B.

Speaking (typing?) of B! The restaurant should be open next week (1 of 2 they are opening currently). They are having an investor's dinner tomorrow at the new location! Pretty exciting! Too bad I am missing it all.