4th of July 2013

I will be spending the day with B and Lucky. I hope y'all enjoy your fireworks!

XOXO
Jes

Father's Day 2013

I am not sure when holidays get easier. I really shouldn't complain too much about father's day, it's not even my holiday. But I do. It sucks for C. I know this. It sucks that B won't be around when all she wished for was a daddy. And now, she can't even celebrate it with the one she waited so long for.

It sucks for B too. He doesn't get to spend the day with his family like we did on mother's day. He gets stuck working a 7th day in a row instead. It's not fair to either of them.

Last year, I think it was easier. We were closer to other family. We could at least see other people. We don't have that luxury this year. My dad doesn't even talk to me. I haven't seen him since he threw our going away party. That was last year, in February.

Sometimes, holidays just make me remember how alone I really am here. I don't know anyone here and I don't have close family. Although even when I was closer to my family, it sometimes seemed like I was worlds apart from them.

If you can tell me when it gets easier, I would love to know. Until then, I will suck it up.

XOXO
Jes

Holidays...

Holidays for us here are different. It usually depends on what kind of job B has during that time.
Easter, mothers day, father's day, memorial day, labor day, new years eve, and valentine's day you can almost always count on a chef working. Especially mine. The other major holidays, they vary.

Currently B works at a place that will give him most holidays off. This Sunday may be the exception due to the opening of a new restaurant. He may have to work easter, my other favorite holiday (thanksgiving being my number 1).

B had missed many of the mentioned holidays since we have been together. Sometimes, I could go eat at the restaurant. Alone at the empty cocktail area, of course.

B did take a little of a year off. He worked his tail of to become an estimator at a lumberyard. He made decent money and it was honest work. A much needed break for him. A break that caused me to quit school and work full time as an assistant manager at a gas station. It nearly ruined our marriage. It was nice to have a semi normal family life, except we had to work around my sleep schedule.

Holidays aren't the only thing B has had to miss out on. He wasn't there after I found out we lost the first baby. He stayed with me after I lost the second but was drowning himself in his work the next day, unable to sit idle while I slowly crept into a deep depression, something I struggle with to this day, almost two years later.

I know he does what he can and he was there for me when I got my severe concussion and when C and I were in a car accident. He was able to wait in the waiting room while I went to surgery for the second loss.

No matter the day or the occasion, I know that B loves me and C and honestly that's all that matters. We try to make the most of our time together when we have it. We know that we are loved by the other and we aren't afraid to show it.

Just remind me of this past come Sunday when my husband is at work and there isn't a jello egg in sight and I am cussing because my husband is at work. lol